I haven't written in a while. Honestly, I've been angry. Angry at God. Angry at my husband. Angry at pretty much everything. I thought I had it all figured out. I've been trying to walk with God and guide my family in what feels like his will and then it all got a little more complicated.
I've watched the news over the past few years. I've seen sad stories of industries shutting down, family businesses closing their doors and driven by staggering lines at the local food pantry. I've seen tearful laments of families on the news evicted from forclosed homes. Dear God please be with those people (and ps Lord, so glad it isn't me!) I prayed and went on about my daily life. My husband's job was secure and we were okay. Our bills were paid, our son in private school, and our nest egg growing slowly but surely. Then the job was gone. We went from a one income family to a none income family overnight.
I was devastated. What in the world were we supposed to with two kids, a car payment, a mortgage, utilities, and private school tuition? I was enraged. All of the sudden the forty dollar check for tee ball felt like a splurge. We started trimming the budget and gas prices went up. The situation felt dire but then a funny thing happened.
I got my husband back. All of the prayer I sent up asking God to restore and revive my marriage and my home were answered. Who am I to question divine wisdom and the dramatic turn it took to bring us to this very day? Once he caught up on all of the sleep that working swing shifts had deprived him of, I got back the man I fell in love with. My children have their daddy to spend quality time with. He hated that job, but worked it to provide a generous lifestyle for our family. It took all he had and then so much more. Now, its all coming back.
As to being provided for, somehow its all working out. We're both actively seeking jobs and treating it as a team sport. We're tag teaming meal prep around the house and taking turns on the school runs in the morning. We're preparing our garden for the summer and tackling all of those home projects that have been on the back burner for the last three years. God is present at every turn. I feel him in the surprise check for an overpayment that came in the mail. I feel his mercy in the reprieve on mortgage payments. I feel his grace covering this family as never before. I'm ashamed that my first reaction was anger at God, but so thankful that he loved me through it and allowed me to see that HE knows the needs of this family. We're not wanting for anything at all right now. The money earned didn't hold a candle to the riches we have now. We're rich in love, in the love of God, love for each other, and our family. There's a hymn that I've always loved and have titled my post as such. For those who don't know... And for the record I KNOW HE WATCHES ME!
Verse 1:
Why should I feel discouraged,
Why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart feel lonely
And long for Heav'n and home,
When Jesus is my portion?
A constant Friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches over me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
Refrain:
I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches (I know he watches)
(I know he watches me)
I sing because I'm happy,
I sing because I'm free,
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me (He watches me)
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches me (He watches me)
He watches me (I know he watches me)
Verse 2:
"Let not your heart be troubled,"
His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness,
I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth
But one step I may see:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.
Verse 3:
Whenever I am tempted,
Whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing,
When hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him,
From care He sets me free:
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He cares for me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He cares for me.
