Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The Good List

In all of the post-Christmas fallout, one of the more unusual events has to be James's obsession with "the good list."  His little three year old brain is very concerned with ordering actions, people, and well, everything into "good" or "bad".  I must admit, this is useful when I'm trying to convince him to pick up his toys.  A little Santa threat and he kicks it into high gear.  The poor child is scared to death of the bad list, which by the way he was at the TOP of yesterday.  I reminded him of this and he promptly let me know that I too was on the bad list yesterday.  And...well...I was. 

I've been three days with no cigarettes, and what a span of three days its been! On Monday I was trapped at home with both children and no vehicle.  Mounds of dirty laundry in front of me, a football game during nap time and two demanding children made for a busy day.  Enter Tuesday.  I had to practically drag James under penalty of death to the car for the 20 minute drive to Clemson  Montessori School.  He and Evie both fussed the whole way home.  They both woke up cranky from their afternoon naps and neither of them appreciated my chicken dish (did they know it was a weight watchers recipe????).  I almost cried with relief when I tucked them in to sleep.  I had high hopes for today and was willing to give it a chance.  Really.  Again I had to drag James to the car to take him to school.  The dog ate Evie's breakfast.  The cat shook catnip all over the kitchen floor and tore into a bag of deer jerkey I just finished drying.  I had to drag my son  (kicking and screaming) to church for a pot luck dinner that he squirmed through.  I attempted small group with my daughter playing peacefully at my feet.  That lasted until she tried to answer the ipod "HELLO" and popped herself in the face with a silly band rubber band.  I then had to manhandle James into his car seat and pick Dustin up from work (25 minutes late).

Now I'm finally done.  This day that I've made an effort to find the good in is over.  I'm pretty sure I'm at the top of the bad list today too. I'm definitely sure that a cigarette sounds like a good idea.  Here's the thing though, I will lay my head down tonight knowing that the GOD who loves me keeps no record of my wrongs.  He loves me whether I'm good or bad.  Its willingness he seeks not perfection, at least in my understanding.  Whew!  I get to try again tomorrow!!

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